Talking to Loved Ones About Mental Health

How to open up about your struggles and ask for support from family and friends.

Why This Conversation Matters

Talking to loved ones about your mental health can feel vulnerable and scary—but it's also one of the most powerful steps you can take. You don't have to suffer in silence.

Opening up allows your loved ones to understand what you're going through, offer support, and feel less shut out. It also reduces the burden of hiding your struggles and can deepen your relationships.

Remember:

You deserve support. Mental health struggles are not a sign of weakness, and asking for help is an act of courage, not burden.

Preparing for the Conversation

1. Choose the Right Person

You don't have to tell everyone. Start with someone you trust—someone who's been supportive in the past, listens well, and doesn't judge.

Consider: Who has been there for you before? Who respects your privacy? Who will take you seriously?

2. Pick the Right Time and Place

Choose a private, quiet setting where you won't be interrupted or rushed. Avoid bringing it up during an argument or when either of you is stressed.

Good times: A calm evening at home, during a walk together, over coffee
Avoid: In public, during family gatherings, when either person is drunk or angry

3. Clarify What You Want

Before the conversation, ask yourself: What do I need? Just to be heard? Practical help? Emotional support? Knowing this helps you communicate clearly.

To be heard: "I just need you to listen."

Practical help: "Can you help me find a therapist?"

Emotional support: "I need to know you're there for me."

4. Prepare What You Want to Say

You don't need a script, but organizing your thoughts helps. Consider writing down key points or even practicing with a therapist first.

How to Start the Conversation

Starting is often the hardest part. Here are some ways to open the conversation:

Direct Approach

Be straightforward about what you're going through.

"I need to talk to you about something important. I've been struggling with my mental health lately, and I wanted you to know what's going on."

"I've been dealing with [anxiety/depression/etc.] and it's been really hard. I'm not looking for you to fix it, but I need you to know."

Easing Into It

If you're nervous, you can start gently.

"I haven't been feeling like myself lately, and I think it's more than just a bad week. Can we talk about it?"

"You know how I've seemed really withdrawn/tired/upset recently? There's a reason for that, and I'd like to explain."

Asking for Specific Support

If you know what you need, ask directly.

"I've been struggling with depression, and I've decided to start therapy. I wanted to let you know, and I'd appreciate your support."

"I'm having a really hard time right now with [specific issue]. I need help, and I'm not sure where to start. Can we talk?"

What to Say (and Not Say)

DO: Helpful Ways to Communicate

✓ Be honest about how you're feeling, even if it's hard to put into words
✓ Use "I" statements: "I feel overwhelmed" rather than "You make me feel..."
✓ Describe specific symptoms if possible (e.g., "I can't sleep," "I've lost interest in things I used to enjoy")
✓ Explain what you need from them (listening, practical help, space, etc.)
✓ Acknowledge it might be hard for them too: "I know this might be difficult to hear"
✓ Give them time to process if they seem shocked

DON'T: Things to Avoid

✗ Minimize your struggles: "It's not a big deal, I'll be fine"
✗ Apologize excessively: You don't need to say sorry for having mental health struggles
✗ Expect them to immediately understand everything about mental health
✗ Blame them for your mental health (even if they contributed to stress)
✗ Drop the conversation abruptly if it gets uncomfortable—try to push through
✗ Test them by being vague and expecting them to "just know" what you need

How to Ask for Specific Help

It's okay to ask for specific types of support. Here are examples:

Emotional Support

• "I need you to check in on me this week."
• "Can I call you when I'm feeling overwhelmed?"
• "I just need you to listen without trying to fix it."
• "Please remind me that this will pass when I'm stuck."

Practical Help

• "Can you help me research therapists?"
• "I need help with [household task] while I'm struggling."
• "Can you come with me to my first therapy appointment?"
• "I need someone to keep me accountable for [specific self-care task]."

Space & Understanding

• "I need some alone time to recharge. It's not about you."
• "Please don't take it personally if I'm quiet lately."
• "I might cancel plans sometimes—I hope you understand."
• "Please be patient with me while I work through this."

Setting Boundaries

• "I'm not ready to talk about details yet, but I wanted you to know."
• "Please don't share this with others without asking me first."
• "I need you to trust my decision to see a therapist/take medication."
• "I can't handle advice right now—just support."

Handling Different Reactions

Not everyone will respond perfectly. Here's how to navigate common reactions:

If They're Supportive ✓

This is ideal! They listen, validate your feelings, offer help, and don't judge.

Response: Thank them for their support. Let them know what they're doing that's helpful. Keep them updated on your progress.

If They Minimize It

They say things like "Everyone gets sad," "Just think positive," "It's not that bad."

Response: "I understand you're trying to help, but this is more serious than just feeling down. I've been struggling for [timeframe], and it's affecting my daily life. I need you to take this seriously."

If They Try to "Fix" You

They offer unsolicited advice: "Have you tried yoga?" "You should just exercise more."

Response: "I appreciate that you want to help. Right now, I don't need solutions—I just need you to listen and be here for me. When I'm ready for advice, I'll ask."

If They Get Defensive or Blame Themselves

"Did I cause this?" "What did I do wrong?" "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Response: "This isn't about you or anything you did. Mental health issues have many causes. I'm telling you now because I trust you and need your support."

If They Dismiss Mental Health in General

"Mental illness isn't real," "Therapy is a scam," "You don't need medication."

Response: You don't need to convince them. "I understand you have different views, but this is what I need right now. I hope you can respect my decision." Consider confiding in someone more understanding.

If They're Shocked and Need Time

They go quiet, seem overwhelmed, or don't know what to say.

Response: "I know this is a lot to take in. You don't have to say the perfect thing—I just wanted you to know. We can talk more when you've had time to process."

What to Do If It Doesn't Go Well

Sometimes, even with careful preparation, the conversation doesn't go as you hoped. That doesn't mean you made a mistake.

• Remember: Their reaction is about them, not you. Their discomfort with mental health doesn't invalidate your experience.

• Seek support elsewhere. If one person doesn't respond well, try confiding in someone else—a friend, another family member, or a therapist.

• Give them time. Sometimes people need to process before they can respond supportively. Follow up in a few days.

• Protect your mental health. If someone consistently invalidates or harms you, it's okay to limit how much you share with them.

• You did something brave. Opening up takes courage. Be proud of yourself for trying, regardless of how they responded.

Talking to Different People in Your Life

Parents

Parents may feel guilty, defensive, or overprotective. Reassure them this isn't their fault, and be clear about what you need.

Tip: If your parents are resistant to therapy/medication, bring educational resources or ask them to come to an appointment with you.

Partner/Spouse

Your partner needs to know how your mental health affects the relationship and what support looks like. Be honest, but also affirm your commitment.

Tip: Consider couples therapy if mental health is impacting your relationship significantly.

Friends

Good friends want to support you but may not know how. Tell them what's helpful (checking in, inviting you out, respecting when you need space).

Employer/Coworkers

You're not obligated to disclose mental health at work. If you do, keep it professional, focus on how it impacts your work, and know your rights (ADA protections in the US).

Consider: "I'm dealing with a health issue that may affect my attendance/performance. I'm working with a doctor and will keep you updated."

When to Seek Professional Support

Talking to loved ones is important, but it's not a substitute for professional help. See a therapist if:

• Your symptoms are severe or have lasted more than 2 weeks
• You're having thoughts of self-harm or suicide
• Your mental health is interfering with work, relationships, or daily life
• You need help navigating difficult conversations with family

A therapist can help you process emotions, build coping skills, and prepare for difficult conversations. Find an online therapist who can support you.

Crisis Support

If you're in crisis, free support is available 24/7:

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

Call or text 988 • Available 24/7

Crisis Text Line

Text HOME to 741741 • Available 24/7

View complete crisis resources →